Just as a consistent level of open and honest verbal communication is an essential element of a healthy romantic relationship, communicating about sexual concerns is also vital.
Sexual intimacy is an important form of communication within a relationship. No long-term relationship can function well when the beauty of sexuality is used in a harmful, manipulative manner.
The intimacy component of sexuality provides a bonding element that is critical for couples. Sexual intimacy offers a time to be emotionally close and open with each other. When functioning well, a couple’s sexual relationship creates and reinforces feelings of deep love, commitment, and trust.
Many articles focus on women’s need for emotional closeness and safety in sexual relationships, yet men also thrive in relationships that offer a sense of emotional security.
Although a male’s sexual drive and tendency to separate emotions may allow him to engage in sexual activity without feeling close or safe, some women also operate in the same way. It is important to note that the misuse of sex within relationships does not confine itself to males or females.
𝐁𝐨𝐭𝐡 𝐦𝐞𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐰𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐧 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐱 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐜𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝, 𝐢𝐧𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐲, 𝐛𝐨𝐭𝐡 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐱 𝐚𝐬 𝐚 𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐩𝐨𝐧 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩.
When sex is used to make war rather than to make love, the effects can be devastating. According to sex experts, on a neurobiological level alone, the body is deprived of the truly positive effects of several neurochemicals, including the bond-building oxytocin. Instead, negative sexual war tactics build levels of stress-related neurochemicals, such as adrenaline and cortisol.
On a more visible level, partners that use sexuality for power and control find that open communication is often diminished, conflicts tend to arise readily, and arguments often remain unresolved. Unhealthy passive-aggressive or openly aggressive behaviour patterns often become the norm.
The solution? The truth is that there is not a “love potion” to cure this. Most “sex wars” come about as a result of longstanding communication issues that surface through sexual relations or the lack of sexual relations. In either case, the dysfunctional patterns that surface through “sex wars” take a toll on the overall health of the relationship.
The repair process takes time, focus, and dedication.
The key to healthy sexual intimacy is found through devoted commitment and clear communication. Self-Reflection: Are you making love or war?